Because I’m in the process of moving, I’ve been spending a fair amount of time on the telephone, listening to the isn’t-it-a-wonderful-thing-to-be-on-hold music at various furniture stores, credit card companies, and public utilities.
Today I had to listen to Jingle Bell Rock for seven agonizing minutes. That accursed earworm is still burrowing through my brain, hours later. I’m pretty sure it has done some damage.
I like Christmas music. Truly, I do. But come on, furniture store. Freakin’ Jingle Bell Rock?!? What the hell did I ever do to you?
So I find myself wishing the people who selected songs for that tinny, canned on-hold music had more eclectic tastes.
Just once, I’d love to hear any of these while I’m on hold:
- Rocket Man. The good version.
- Revolution 9. Because I’ve easily been on hold long enough to decode this thing. I think the bottle of Claret is the key to everything.
- In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. Because I’ve been on hold long enough to listen to all 17 minutes of that acid-fueled riff.
- The Entertainer. Or anything by Scott Joplin. I like Joplin. And that way I could pretend that my wait is actually part of an ingenious sting on the cable company.
- Anything by Espers. Especially their cover of Flaming Telepaths.
But instead I’ve been forced to listen to Jingle Bell Rock. Is it any wonder that my mind is on fire?
Wild Cards Update: