Oh, I do love some crazy wacky conspiracy theories. The crazier the better.
And they don’t come any crazier than “the world is secretly controlled by shape-changing lizards from inside the hollow earth”.
Oh, sure it sounds insane…. Or, is it so sane that your head is spinning like a top?!?
Just consider the evidence: “The Illuminati cover up their reptilian nature with a human disguise.”
You better believe they do. Our secret masters are totally putting on the human suits. All the time.
My head is spinning like a top! (Maybe my human suit is malfunctioning.)
Way back when, at the bookstore, I was the guy in charge of keeping David Icke’s books stocked up.
People who came in asking for those books always scrutinized my face very carefully. I thought they were just intense. Then I realized they were checking for reptilian slit pupils.
I sold a lot of Icke’s books. But those contact lenses were always uncomfortable to wear.
We find your lack of res-s-s-spect and s-s-s-s-s-snarky attitude dis-s-s-s-sturbing. We will be keeping a s-s-s-s-slitted eye on you. H-s-s-s-s-s.
The thing is, they can’t hide their eyeballs and that’s what gives them away on TV. That’s not some MPEG artifact of low-quality video compression, no sir. It started as a conspiracy hypothesis, but with more evidence it’s become a bona fide conspiracy theory. And now it’s only one or two more Youtube videos from snowballing into a conspiracy law.
I think this points us to another internet rule:
53. There is a conspiracy about it, no exceptions.
Adrienne– if you need any work done, I know a guy. I mean, a human. Not an lizard. I know a human who works on those things.
Scott– I’m actually kind of jealous. I’ve never met an Icke adherent in the flesh! I’d have guessed they’re all a little intense, all the time.
Terry– When you return to your subterranean lair, be sure to say Hi to the lavamen for me…
Richard– It’s true that Isaac Newton first published the Principia Mathematica as a series of viral videos on YouTube.
Steve– If there wasn’t a conspiracy about something, that would suggest a conspiracy to cover up the conspiracy.